Putting on my game face

Today I have to go in and face a fear.  The fear of losing my condo, not because I have not made payments, but due to a technicality in the original mortgage.  I am fairly sure, in my logical mind, that this will be worked out.  It may take some time, and it definitely will take work.  In point of fact, it may be the push I need to move to something different.

My logical mind is fighting a battle with my illogical mind.  I get visions of them telling me I have two days to move, that they lock me out of my pets and my possessions without notice, that they send thugs to beat me up. All illegal, and I know it will not happen.

I most likely will have noting to worry about, and most likely will be inconvenienced in some sort of way.  Doable.  Not optimal.  And this may all be a tempest in a teapot, as my mother would have said.  I am staying in touch with my fear, as doing so makes it more manageable.  Going to my anger,though some may say it is justified, is not going to help or solve this.  I am going to be told hard truths, truths I already know.  Truths I ignored in anger.  This is what my anger gets me. Chaos. Trouble. Eating away of my peace of mind and stress on body. It is not my friend. It is the place I learned to go to that once was a save haven in my mind.  A peaceful cove created by me running there and avoiding truths and shutting out others with my rage. Now instead of a beach of beautiful sands glittering against the sapphire blue inlet, surrounded by steep cliffs covered in beautiful flowers, it is a garbage dump.  Littered with the destruction of my anger.

I will walk with my head on straight, take my consequences, my actions, and I am going to move into healing. Fear as my friend.


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